Offlining: A Pre-apocalyptic Sci-Fi Comedy by GJ Weinstein

Author:GJ Weinstein [Weinstein, GJ]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Soul Source Press
Published: 2023-06-28T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Ellie said to Dr. Torres, “Can’t you put me on ice until someone young and thin dies? Or at least cut away three-quarters of me?”

“Sorry, the young ones are required to go directly to Organ Recycling. And I don’t have space in my schedule to do cosmetic surgery: suddenly everybody wants to walk a mile in someone else’s feet.”

“Speaking of feet,” Jeru said, “I just came from a place where they wouldn’t give me shoes until they tossed me out.”

“Give me, give me, give me.” The steiner marched to his case. “Take, take, take.” He tossed out some green hospital scrubs and cheap red sneakers. “That’ll have to do.”

Jeru said, “Do you have a wig for me too?” He’d almost added, “Even an ugly one,” but the image of Ellie launching herself on top of him had made an impact.

Dr. Torres replied, “No wig for you. In six or eight months the real stuff will have grown back in full. Well, depends on your definition of full. The donor did have a male-pattern-baldness issue.”

“Will the scar fade at least?”

The steiner pouted. “Not entirely.” He appeared to be close to tears.

“I mean,” Jeru said quickly, “everything else is great.” He did a few awkward, very Caucasian dance steps. Admittedly, he was getting used to the way his body moved and sensed things; he felt less and less like the puppeteer and the marionette. “I can move my arms and legs and remember things and see and smell and all that. Well, my vision blows, but I guess I can get laser surgery.”

Dr. Torres sighed and removed some goggle-like glasses made popular ten years before by the ice-skating super-villain of Death Spiral and Death Spiral 2: Another Time Around. Their popularity lasted about as long as glow-in-the-dark suntan lotion. Jeru tried them on, and Ellie hooted. Her red-with-laughter face came into perfect focus. He guessed how stupid he looked wearing the things, but he resisted sniping back. Let her make fun. She was now in his world, with a thousand chances each day to embarrass herself for his amusement. At least until she squashed him in his sleep.

“Look, children,” the doctor whined, “I think a little appreciation is in order. Can you give me just a bit of credit for the scientific miracle that allows you to slouch around in bodies other than your own and complain at will?”

Ellie and Jeru apologized and mumbled their thanks like kids receiving a dictionary for Christmas instead of a Blastoff Personal Rocket Ship (Return after five orbits or your money back™). While the steiner’s work—and results—didn’t have the flashiness of Dr. Gomez’s feats, but the man did save them from a disaster scene and had performed his scientific miracle as promised. Neither the RSA nor Kliburn would threaten them again.

Jeru asked, “Do we have new identities to go with our new faces?”

“Of course.” The doctor still seemed petulant.

Jeru said, “Please tell me I don’t have another stupid name like Bethlehem Splyvex.”

Dr. Torres wrinkled his nose.

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